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I am a 43 year old female, artist graphic designer and we (hubby and I)run our own small business. I have high maintenance kids, Son, 12 yrs. with Asperger's, and an anorexic daughter, 15 yrs., that is finally at a healthy weight for the first time in 6 years and doing great. Eating with her to motivate her and not *diet* was hard,and I put on more weight instead of maintaining mostly due to my own eating problems because the therapist says I self medicate with food. So, this journey to get me to a healthy weight and healthy eating habits will be a struggle.
Self-medication with food makes me feel happy, a sense of pleasure, feel good when a rarely do. Food = satisfaction. Food has been a surrogate for real emotions. I lack confidence in myself and therefore rarely have I allowed myself true happiness no matter how much I have tried, even know I know to some extent this is true. I was abused by my adopted uncle as a child and not supported by my grandmother when I told her. Always made poor choices in dating many proved abusive in one way or another. Certainly not healthy. Later, my first marriage failed, custody battle. Each time food was the easy choice. Matter-of-fact it was to the point where body image as *fat* and *unattractive* was preferable and made it that much easier to eat.
I have been down this path before and always I have relented in the past and gave in to the satisfaction that food brings me. This is my first time on FS. This time I am here to for support and to hold myself accountable. This time I want it gone and to go away.
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*Generated by [Keto Calculator](http://keto-calculator.ankerl.com) 8.5*
43/F/5'4.5" | CW 213.4 | 40% BF | Lightly active
* 1200 kcal Goal, a 46% deficit. (698 min, 2220 max)
* 30g Carbohydrates
* 77g Protein (77g min, 128g max)
* 86g Fat (30g min, 199g max)
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