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going to try and knock out an hour straight swim today with medium paddles on medium speed. slow and steady. I can't remember if I shared it here, but a few weeks ago my brother went back to my high school pool and discovered that I existed before adulthood. sent me pics of my name in the trophy case for various team sports, emphasis on team. it was a funny moment for both of us. him discovering that I was not just the older sister that kicked his butt for being a twerp and me looking back on things I'd not exactly forgotten, but which were no longer at the forefront of my memory. which is totally fine, BTW, I'd hate to think that I'd peaked in high school and that there were no other accomplishments ahead of me past the tender age of 17. I just thought it was interesting that my life in the moment was just in passing, but finding a plaque made it more important or official to him. my niece, on the other hand, thought it was cool and is going to chase her own dreams in the pool, I hope.
I think the difference between childhood and adulthood is the depth of awareness. the significance of different moments. it's been a year of small wins and significant losses. realization that people and other things we love are so much more important than a trophy, a plaque, a letter. it's been just over a year since my friend died suddenly. I still talk to her a lot because I'm just pissed that she left me. we won't go into the devastation I'm still feeling over Hogan. that one is so deep and just hurts. crying less. still wearing waterproof mascara. sigh. one day. what's the point here, I don't know. just putting feelings into words so I can move forward a few more steps in the process.
already journaled the swims, so won't be redundant. trying to decide whether or not I can take sharing the print I had made of my boy yet. I hung it up in my orange kitchen since that was his favorite room in the house. the grief is still very active. being locked up in the house hiding from the heat doesn't help, I'm sure. need to get outside and moving.
blob down, muscle up, I drank so much water yesterday and sweated it all away.
WEIGHT 165.3 lb
BMI 33.4
FAT MASS 69.0 lb
LEAN MASS 96.3 lb
WATER MASS 67.6 lb
BONE MASS 4.9 lb
MUSCLE MASS 91.3 lb
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75.0 kg
これまでの減量分: 7.1 kg.
残り: 13.7 kg.
ダイエット続き: まあまあ.
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ダイエットカレンダーを表示, 2022年 09月 5日:
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1305 kcal
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脂質: 68.20g | たんぱく質: 75.43g | 炭水化物: 124.19g.
朝食: Whole Milk, Egg, Egg White. 昼食: Nectarines, Taylor Farms Sweet Kale Chopped Salad (Salad Only), Briannas Poppyseed Dressing. 夕食: Bertucci's Tiramisu, La Tortilla Factory Low Carb Flour Tortilla, Pork Loin (Tenderloin). 軽食/その他: Veggies Made Great Cinnamon Roll Muffins, Kirkland Signature Chocolate Almond Dipped Vanilla Ice Cream Bars. もっと...
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週に0.8 kg減量中
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 コメント
Thank you for this <3 It was really nice reading it, and the effect on me was also comforting. I am a bit at loss for words the last few days, so apologies for not having a more eloquent or deeper comment at this time. Just wanted to show my gratitude for your sharing, and say I am glad you are doing well regardless of the tough year
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I'm glad, riaau, I wonder sometimes when I go down the rabbit hole if there's any benefit to saying my thoughts out loud other than pushing it out of my brain. truthfully, it's been a crap couple of years, but there is light ahead of us, we just have to look up to see it. just remind me of that from time to time.
2022年 09月 5日 投稿者: Katsolo
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I think there is, in that there is benefit to others, too, when you write publicly. They may be quiet, or not write back a lot, like me, but I believe learning about other people’s experiences doesn’t just help us put into perspective our own, and sometimes help us with any issue we might have, but it enriches us by sometimes experiencing the shared humanity of another person, and when we’re lucky, connect to it (even if only in our minds, most of the times). I don’t think I can express my thoughts more clearly at this time, so apologies for that.
And I’ll definitely remind you! Thank you for reminding me, indirectly or unintentionally that it may be… or not :]
I wish you a nice and relaxed rest of the day, and if that’s not possible, hang in there, and know you made a person 4,000 km away smile and think today.
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2022年 09月 5日 投稿者: _bec_ca
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I'm sorry you are having the heat to deal with. Hope you have a relaxing evening!:)
2022年 09月 5日 投稿者: NAVYWIFESKI
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It's funny how things trigger memories. A bit ago DP posted about her cheerleading daughter and I had a flood of memories about my years as a cheerleader and the great experience I had.
It's nice that your brother was able to see you in a different light. 💜💜
2022年 09月 5日 投稿者: Diana 1234
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how nice for you and your brother
2022年 09月 6日 投稿者: sugarplum_
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That kind of grief takes awhile to become comfortable with. I remember being unable to sleep at night because I was crying remembering how my pup would nestle his head on my shoulder at night and snore in my ear. Thank you for sharing it with us ❤
2022年 09月 6日 投稿者: Asarver
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I think talking about our losses helps us. There's the pain, but there are also the fond memories, like his favorite room. Looking forward to the day you're ready to share that print. (((HUGS)))
2022年 09月 6日 投稿者: shirfleur 1
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